TeardropsOnMyRose♥

Early Morning: Woke up to a text from a girl I used to be in love with(aka my best friend Kelsie.) And Realized I was late to school and had to miss first period…Again.

Getting ready for school: My dad called me stupid, and worthless, and careless and everything that goes wrong in his life is my fault because I’m late for school and I need to start sleeping in the garage cause I don’t deserve a room because I’m stupid and careless.

2nd period: Was too upset about my dad and just wanted to be left alone. But I have friends in that class surprisingly, and it’s P.E. I was silent and my friend just came up to me and said “Whatever it is, It’s not killing you so get the fuck over it.” Yeah, that just made me worse.

3rd period: The only class with civilized people in it. But I guess thats because it’s my honors class. But I had a razor blade with me and when I reached for a pencil half the razor blade stab into my index finger on my right hand causes me to gush blood everywhere…Yeah that made me worse cause I bled for hours.

4th period: I was still silent. Haven’t said a word all day and this guy I sit next to decided that rubbing on my thigh and trying to stick his fingers in my vagina was gonna make me feel better. Yeah no. I’ve been raped. It made me feel worse. Obviously he doesn’t know the meaning of “I’m a lesbian.” Because he does this constantly.

Lunch: Food sickens me. Whenever I see it, my stomach rumbles so hard it hurts but I’m fucking fat so I can’t eat or else I’ll end up cutting myself because I feel so fucking guilty. And thats when my friends decided they’d like to spend the whole lunch hour in the cafeteria…Grrreeeeaaattttt. I fucking hate being fat. I FUCKING HATE IT!

5th period: I fucking hate this class. We all went to the library and all the shit talkers decided to come to the table I was sitting at alone so I can finally calm down and not go take all the pills in my medicine cabinet and just die and talk shit to me and mess with me. A friend of mine came over and they fucked with her too. I was ready to murder because I felt even worse. I can BARELY stand this shit!

6th period: I’m done. I can’t take it. EVERYTHINGS bothering me. My weight, My face, My family, My friends, My mind, My suicide thoughts, My depression, EVERYTHING! But a guy in my class thought throwing a fucking pen at me for no apparent reason will make me feel better! :D. Yeah no dumbass I fucking hate you. -___- I couldn’t take it….I cried….Then I left because people decided to talk shit about me crying so now I might get in trouble for walking out in class again. And the bracelets I’m using to cover the new cuts REALLY hurt them. This fucking sucks! Today fucking sucks!

When I get home: My mom blames me for breaking the garage. WHEN THE FUCK DID THE GARAGE BREAK?!?! FUCKING FUCKIDITY MAN!

WHY DOES THE FUCKING WORLD HATE ME?!?! What the fuck did I EVER do?!?!

They think you’re crazy.
They think you’re mad.
They call you stupid, worthless, tell you you’re not worth it.

Now you’re walkin’ back, to a place you call home,
but you feel so alone.

The same hurtful hits, it’s your darker place.
In your virgin ears, the remarks they make.

And if they, if they really knew all of those things.
That you do in your room, to hide the pain.
I bet their minds would change.

I’ll bet their minds would change.

They’d change, If they knew the pain.

I believe in these scars, I believe

LORD GEEZUS I’M TRYING! I JUST LOST 20 POUNDS IN FUCKING TWO WEEKS CAN YOU ALL GET OFF MY BACK FOR FUCKING 2 SECONDS AND LET ME SMILE?!?!

I’M ALREADY NOT EATING,

I EXCERCISE MORE THAN ANY PERSON I KNOW

I’M JUST FUCKING TRYING! Give me some fucking credit. PLEASE.

GEEZUS FUCKING CHRIST! Dx

Yeah. I’m THAT broken.

I just wanna be skinny.
I dont wanna have to worry about stomach anymore.
I wanna make it in this music industry.
I HAVE TO BE SKINNY.
I just wanna walk into a store and not worry about sizes cause it all fits.
I wanna be the pretty friend.
I dont wanna be bullied anymore.
I dont wanna cry anymore.
I dont wanna be ugly anymore.
I. HAVE. TO. BE. SKINNY.

So please me, PLEASE stop eating:/. I can do this!

Yesterday’s intake.
Cereal: 190 calories
Pudding: 60 calories
Fish and green beans: 200+ calories.

TOTAL: About 520 calories….

I hate myself. Dx